Of all the places I've been, the Netherlands has been, perhaps, the biggest surprise. Most likely because my expectations were completely unrelated to the country itself. I came to spend time with friends, and the charming canal filled cities were an unexpected (and lovely) bonus.
Unilever (where I spent the first 8 years of my career) is based here. Which means that friends I made in New York now live in Rotterdam and work at the global headquarters. One is Dutch and I always planned to visit her when she moved back at some point. When an American friend of mine moved there as well I knew that I had to move the Netherlands up my list. Before this whole 'get laid off and travel the world for six months' thing happened I was planning to do a trip in Europe to see both of my friends and also see Paris (which I have yet to see, and alas, will continue to be my reason to return to Europe another time). At first I planned to avoid Europe and stay in Southeast Asia, but when my plans changed luckily a month's notice was enough for both PJ and Iris to hold time for me!
I flew from Croatia to Amsterdam and took the train (so easy!) to the small city of Delft where I stayed with Iris and her husband. I suppose in hindsight my expectation was ridiculous. When visiting friends in the US you don't so much care what the city you are going to looks like, the point is to see the people. And after all the suburbs of Chicago aren't that different from the suburbs of Minneapolis or the suburbs of Saint Louis. And that's fine, because I just plan to sit in people's houses and enjoy their company. So I think maybe I pictured going to an American suburb? Needless to say, that was not the case. Delft is charming. Everything feels cute and old with canals running beside every street in town and two majestic churches (one had the date 1605 on the bell tower).
While in Delft we had a couple of lovely sunny days. I went for a run through town, and I think it's possible everyone thought I was crazy (apparently the runners go on a path through the woods, but I wanted to see the city!). We went to dinner in an outdoor square with tables set up everywhere, found a quirky little live theater festival, found a corner beer bar with chairs outside to enjoy the day and the people watching.
Oh - adding to my list of things that I miss about the US. Craft Beer. Beer is absolutely not a thing in Asia, you basically drink something that tastes more or less like Budweiser everywhere you go. I had higher hopes for Europe, after all Germans, Austrians, Belgians are known for their beer. What I didn't quite realize was that they don't cultivate an interest or the variety that we are used to in the US. In Austria you have like 4 choices of beer and they are all Austrian, which is great, but they are also all pretty basic (except for Radlers, which should definitely be more of a thing in the US). The bar we went to in Delft was more like an American bar with interesting (and flavorful) beers from all over Europe. Maybe there is something here, about the US culture. Nothing we do is truly new, because it comes from other places, but at the same time the way in which we do it is distinctly American. The creativity, the invention, the extremeness in which we pursue our passions maybe there is something to that.
I met some British people in Vietnam and one of them said 'I love Americans, they are so vibrant, so energetic, so enthusiastic, so bold'. I had never heard anyone describe our national culture that way. Of course he meant it as a compliment, and it was flattering to be described that way. I've also had times where I said 'hi' to people, on the street, on hiking trails, where my tone has been on the sunny side, the happy side, and people react like they have never had anyone say hi to them like that before. Shocked that you would be so warm and exuberant to a stranger. Americans.
But back to the Netherlands. Delft is adorable and I loved my time there. Then I went to Rotterdam which is less adorable (but still cool), it has more of a grunge vibe, but in an approachable way. I spent two days with my friend PJ, and we instantly jumped into some great conversations. There is really something soul filling to visit a friend who used to be part of your day to day life and pick up right where you left off.
I think the Netherlands was a lesson in friendship for me. First to go back to old friends and feel so comfortable in their homes was really nourishing for me after spending time with people who'd known me for such short periods of time. But then also to feel the absence of that afterwards.
Oh! but before I get to the absence, I had one more 'old friend' experience. This is a story about how Instagram can change your life for the better. I was scrolling through Instagram the day I arrived in the Netherlands and saw my cousin Emily post about being in Amsterdam. WHAT? Another cousin randomly around the world? I messaged her and we quickly established that we were in fact in the same country and needed to meet up. And so after seeing my friends for the weekend (and Emily was on a windy bike ride experience around the countryside) we met up to explore Amsterdam for the day. I hadn't met her boyfriend before so it was really great to meet him as well as spend time with her. We went to a botanical garden, ate vegan food, shopped for windmill boxers, went to a brewery under an actual windmill, played cribbage, and ran from the rain. It was great.
Soo, after all of my friend time I was facing four days of aloneness in Amsterdam. Amsterdam itself is amazing. This is the first city I've walked into and known I could live here. To me it feels like New York City in Europe, and while most people may not arrive in New York City and say 'gee I think I could live here', I did in fact live there for 4 and a half years so cities that remind me of it feels homey. Now it may help that I'm here mid-week and therefore avoiding a lot of the drunk/high tourists, but I immediately loved it here. I had been considering some day trips, maybe take a train to Belgium, but that idea went out the window when I saw how comfortable I felt here.
I made a friend during my first walking tour, she was also alone traveling, between jobs and lived in Hoboken (random). So we immediately had a lot to talk about. These travel friends are a great part about traveling, in a lot of ways you just skip the small talk that fills up most of your day to day life. A quick intimacy develops from a shared circumstance and you feel as if you've known that person for far longer than a few hours. And that helps to abate the loneliness. But really only temporarily.
I was talking to Chantal about loneliness abroad. She asked me why I feel more lonely being alone here than in Seattle. After all in Seattle I lived alone, I spend many evenings alone, a few weekends where I didn't see anyone. And I didn't (for the most part) feel lonely. So being alone does not always equal loneliness. For me I think its about feeling like I belong. I can be alone, but when I feel like I fit in the context of my family, my friends, my work people, they tether me.
This entire experience of traveling has been an experience of 'untethering'. A bit like when you go to college or move to a new city. You have to redefine where you belong. I've moved a lot so this process is not new to me. But when you don't stop moving, when you are trying to reestablish a tether every few days the experience is completely different. And that's okay. In fact, for almost anyone who asks I would say that learning to live in this way is one of the main points of traveling. You see what affects you, what you miss, what you've been doing that doesn't really serve you.
I've been lucky to have these pockets of days to be alone and learn these things. Some of the times I've loved the adventure of being on my own, doing what I wanted to do. Other times I wish I had someone to share it with. And that is when I write, to share it with you.
Amsterdam is the kind of place where there are a million things to do and also not a ton to see. From a tourist perspective you can cross everything off your list in a few days. But from a living perspective, it would take you a lifetime to explore all of the neighborhoods, cafes, parks, and hidden gems of the city. Which, makes it the perfect place to 'live' for four days. I can spend the morning on a walking tour, the afternoon on a canal tour and the evening at a food hall sampling all kinds of cuisines. But I can also go for a run in the morning, sit in a cafe for a couple of hours writing a blog, and visit the Van Gogh museum in the afternoon. From just a practical standpoint, writing a blog is a great hobby to have while traveling. It helps you process your experience, capture your memories, AND it gives you something to do while you have one of countless meals alone. Reading works too, but I always feel cooler blogging. Maybe people think I'm one of those digital nomad people, wandering around the world while working. Maybe one day I will be, but right now, I'm ready to go home.
Comments